CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? OR, WHAT IS MY THERAPIST THINKING ABOUT?
Like the phone service commercial on television in which the customer asks, ‘can you hear me now?, every new therapy client is also wanting to know “Can you “see” me now?” I want every client of mine to know that I both hear them and see them. I will see you sitting before me. I will understand that you might be particularly anxious as you sit there in my office. If it is your first session, we will be getting to know each other. You may want to ‘test the waters’ to see how safe you feel. I certainly understand that. Through the past 24 years in private practice, I have become particularly sensitive to the courage it takes to actually show up, to be there. You may feel self-conscious. Perhaps this is your first time in therapy and you don’t know what to expect. You may fear being judged. You may even be silently asking yourself, “Now, why am I here… Maybe I don’t need to be here… How do I know this therapist can help me?…Having been on both sides of the ‘couch’, I can tell you that I have had and have heard all of these thoughts. They are all normal. And, I will want to hear them.
Would you like to know some of the thoughts your therapist may have at your first session? My first thought is usually “I’m so glad that you are here. That you have taken the risk. The risk to know yourself, to face what you think are your faults and inadequacies, the courage to deepen your relationship to your inner self so that you might live a more authentic life. I may be wondering how I can put you at ease. If you have come with your partner, or child, or family, I will be curious about how each of you views the problem that brought you in. If we have already had a phone interview, I will be reflecting on the issues you may have mentioned. I do not judge. I listen. I want to help.
Intake Evaluation: I will wonder what internal or external pressures have brought you to counseling. You may have some fears about being in therapy. Will you have to change? Even if you think you want to or need to change, what will that mean in your life? To your family? To determine if counseling is appropriate for you, I will want to gently assess how motivated you are, how willing you may be to tolerate some discomfort in the short term in order to find more happiness in the long term. I will want to know what your goals for therapy are, whether or not you have had therapy before, and how you felt about your therapy experience. All this takes time. Usually, several sessions are needed for a working assessment, so that your therapist can help you. You, also, will be assessing me. Are we a good fit? Do you feel comfortable with me?
Of course, as part of an initial session, I will want to either an informal or formal “psycho-social evaluation.” You are like a precious metal, or jewel with many facets. What this means is that I will ask you about who you live with, whether or not you are employed, and what your household responsibilities may be. Where you were born, where you have lived, how many siblings you have, and what your birth order is are also vital to my understanding of the ‘facets’ of your life. Again, that takes time. It is most important for you to tell me what brings you to therapy. What outcome do you hope for. Do you want relief from depression or anxiety? Are there significant changes in your life that you want help with? Perhaps you have recently moved, or become a single parent. Are you experiencing the loss of a loved one, or have you had a change in employment? If you are with your family for family therapy, the initial session will be for trust-building for all of us. Everyone’s insights are important. Again, I am not here to take sides, or to judge.
You are the ‘expert’ about your life. You have made it to this point. I do not underestimate the assets you possess, and I will be very interested in what your strengths are. How have you made it this far? What has worked for you in the past? What no longer works? What have you already tried? We will work together.
What would you like your therapist to be seeing, hearing, and thinking? I’d like to hear from you.
For an initial consult or to schedule an appointment, please call me at 720-242-9241.
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