Happy Childhood – Happy Adulthood

 

IT’S NEVER TO LATE TO HAVE A HAPPY CHILDHOOD. It’s the title of a book. And words on a t-shirt. Can we really redo our childhood? And, can we have a happy adulthood? Good questions. I have found that the answer is a resounding YES! to both. We CAN have a happy childhood. I have learned techniques to do exactly that. And then, we can have a happier adulthood.

Back in the 1980’s, I took a weekend workshop in New Orleans called “Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child,” by John Bradshaw. When we walked into the huge workshop arena, we saw circles after circles of 8 chairs, with a tissue box in the centers. Uh oh – I saw that we were there to learn by working on ourselves. And we all earned a t-shirt that said, “It’s Never Too Late to Have a Happy Childhood”. I wore that t-shirt as a sleep shirt for years! One of the most powerful exercises that weekend was to take turns sitting in the middle of the circle, eyes closed, listening as each member embraced us, whispering in our ear, “I’m so glad you were born”. Powerful!

I just came across a book on my shelf entitled It’s Never too Late TO Have A Happy Childhood: Inspirations for Adult Children, by family therapist, Dr. Claudia Black. It is illustrated with beautiful paintings by an artist. As I thumb through this precious book today, I see it was gifted to me by an art therapist friend, knowing that I would have purchased it myself if I’d seen it. She was telling me that she was so glad that I was born.

The quotes below are from the book. The thoughts after each are my own.

RECOVERY IS NOT A SOLITARY JOURNEY. EVEN IF YOU COULD DO IT ALONE YOU DON’T DESERVE TO DO IT ALONE. Are you suffering in silence, or trying to get unstuck by yourself? Reach out. As an art therapist, I often reach for crayons and paper. If that isn’t enough, call someone.

YOU ARE VERY SPECIAL. Yes, you. Believe it. Make an intention to believe it. Look in the mirror and say it out loud. Or tell your pet, who definitely believes it. Recreate a happy childhood every day!

FEELINGS ARE FROM YOUR HEART AND WHAT YOUR HEART WANTS TO TELL YOU. We often want to deny, defend, not listen and not trust our feelings. How pure they must be – they are from your heart. Don’t label them. Once you listen to them, you can figure out what to do with them. I often draw/scribble out what I am feeling. Then they are outside of me. I can look at them, jot some notes if I want. What do they remind me of? What colors did I choose?

LOVE THE CHILD (in you) FOR ALL THAT SHE HAD TO DEFEND AGAINST. You were 5, or 11 or 15. With a child’s small tool chest of coping skills. Children are programmed to believe what adults tell them. Children then believe their beliefs. You can learn how to respond differently now. You can create a happy adulthood.

WHERE THERE IS LOSS, THERE ARE TEARS. Crying can be so healing. I often ask my clients to draw a huge teardrop, and then draw what is inside it. What is in yours?

YOUR NEEDS ARE IMPORTANT. Do you believe that? What are your needs? Some people have put them aside for so long, they are no longer in touch with them. If that is sounds like you, quickly take a 5 post-its and scribble out 5 needs without thinking too much. Post them someplace.

THE FEAR OF ABANDONMENT CAN BE PUT BEHIND YOU. Really. All of us have some type of abandonment issues. Large or small, many or few, people come and go. When you learn how to hug yourself, love yourself, the pain will decrease. Really. With time, effort, and help, you can recreate a Happy Childhood!

THE GREATER YOUR INNER STRENGTH, AND YOUR ABILITY TO TRUST IN YOURSELF, THE MORE WILLING (and able) YOU ARE TO TAKE RISKS. Take the risk. Believe in yourself. Reach out. Trust someone (and yourself). If this seems difficult, call a therapist who has been trained to help you. Fear hurts. Let me help.

MAY YOU COME TO CHERISH BOTH YOUR MASCULINE AND FEMININE STRENGTHS. We need them both. The masculine strength helps us focus, plan and meet goals, take purposeful part in the world around you. The feminine strengths help us feel, breathe in peace, relate to others, create, experience timelessness. Art therapy combines both sides of us. The masculine side selects material, sorts through pictures, makes choices. The feminine side creates, expresses. Both are vital to creating a happy adulthood.

I hope you will scribble out some feelings. Let me know how that goes.  And look in the mirror, smile, and say something loving.

To repeat a phrase from Claudia Black, “Recovery is not a solitary journey. Even if you could do it alone, you don’t deserve to do it alone”. I would love to accompany you on this very important journey.

 

Call me at 720-242-9241 for a free ½ hour consult so that we may see how our paths can meet.